My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
