If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
