I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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