ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
