So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
