Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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