i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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