this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
40s are totally the cure
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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