so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
