I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
