if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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