does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
