YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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