I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
