my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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