I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
