Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
its liver damage thursday
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
