i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
