Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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