My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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