1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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