I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
we should paint friendship bongs
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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