I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
