he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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