return my video game
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
