Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
