hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
