I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
