I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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