I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
