The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
