Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
