I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
