Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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