I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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