I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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