I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Please don't give away my fajitas
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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