I want to stick my p in your. b.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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