My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
There's even glitter on my cock...
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