It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
