he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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