Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
