If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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