Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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