ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
