i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
