Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
