guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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