don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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