I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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